Friday, October 25, 2013

I had always brag about how easy it was to raise my two darling daughters, and what a contrast it was when my boys started coming along. I remember worrying about my oldest son maybe having ADHD, but my husband reassure me that my son was just being a boy, that if in fact he did have ADHD, he would never sit through a book or even a movie. 
Since a very early age I knew my oldest was a very bright boy, he would memorize things after only being taught twice, for example he had the Continents down by the time he was 3 and part of the US States by the time he was 4. He was the child that learned to read the fastest out of my 4 oldest ones and he always seem to get easily bored at school, So I would always have the conversation with the teachers about giving him extra work. Nothing is change really since his early years. He is still very active and very bright. But Why are boys so hard to deal with at times?

I remember once reading in a magazine, that little boys build towers, with one purpose in mind, to nock the them down!

Raising and parenting 3 boys has been overwhelming at times for me, but learning a little why my boys are the way they are has not only brought a little sanity into my life, but also a bit more of peace in my home. I have narrowed down a few things that i have come to understand and relate to in the following lines.
1. Remember Boys reach Milestones Later
My first son was  2 and I was worried that he was not talking yet, By the time both of my girls were 2 they had develop a very extent vocabulary. I brought my worries to his Pediatrician and he said, Your boy is perfectly fine. That part of their brain develops later in boys.
When my second boy started pre-school, the teacher was worried, I was worried and his dad was worried, that he was not retaining any information. The teacher suggested, a special class more specific to his needs for Kindergarten, which i turned down.
To our surprise When Kindergarten came around our worry had passed on by, The teachers said he was doing amazing, in fact he was one of the boys that needed very little help when doing any work. Just remember boys develop a lot slower, even when you look around your child's classroom, notice how the girls seem to be so tall compare to the boys. But they catch up, so don't Stress over milestones.

2. Let Them Be Rough
If you have Boys you know Roughhousing is something unique they have engraved in their genes, since they are old enough to stand up and throw a block. Wrestling and Play Fighting are the way boys express themselves and connect. I know this is one of the ones that most worried me, I remember thinking I don't want my children to grow up and be violent people in Society, but it was really an eye opening Experience to know that many experts advice that physical interaction for boys in the long run can provide positive relationships and promote not only intelligence but also help boost chemicals needed in a boy's brain.

3. Tell them how much you Love Them, even when they tell you they Hate You
I never imagine the day would come where any of my boys would tell me they hated me. It happened exactly about a week ago. My child had been climbing in our neighbors roof and had tagged his younger brother along on the adventure. A week prior, he had climbed our roof and we had a very long talk about it. I panic when i saw them there, only to see their reaction when they saw me, they started saying "Mom Look", as they run back and forth on top of the roof. 
By the time they had gotten down i had already told them the thousand things that could of have happen to them if they had fallen, by the time we got inside the house I proceeded on telling them their punishment/Consequence for such poor behavior. Which my son replied by saying mom you are so unfair and I hate you, You never said anything about our neighbors roof, You only said it about our roof, I could feel my heart aching and tears wanting to roll down my face. But I simply held it in and Said, "Dominic I love you, even if you hate me at the Moment"and I left the room. I have learned with time, that we need to emphasize How much we love our children in this case our Boys, regardless of the choices they make. They need to understand that their actions are bad choices, but that they are good. 

4. They will be Goofy
Sooner or later, boys find out that they are the funniest thing in the world!!! When i talk about this, I can just picture this mornings conversations, in fact i can remember last nights late night conversations between my boys. They are at the stage where they think anything is funny, were saying poop this and poop that is hysterical and where a fly on a wall is a comic show.
The way I see it now is that as long as they don't say anything inappropriate, then I need to let them be. When I question my oldest why do you laugh about everything and think everything is funny, his answer couldn't have been more appropriate for my dumb question "Mom I was born this way, I was born Funny".

5. Teach them to be Gentleman
Remember that one day your boys will grow up to be men! and its our jobs as parent's to teach them good manners, with our society making good manners less of a cool thing, remember that you still have full control of teaching your boys to open doors for ladies and elderly people, to say please and thank you, to greet people when they walk through your door, to show respect for older people, to respect girls and to fully understand how cool it really is to be a Gentleman.

6. Cuddling is one of boys Favorite Things
Ever since i can remember i been cuddling with my boys, In fact ever since i stepped out of the hospital. I know they advice you to keep the baby in his crib and to never let him sleep with the parents, that is never been the case in my home, ever since i bring them home, i will sleep face to face with them under what my husband calls "a million blankets".
Boys need that special bond, the special connection that comes from a hug. They need affection, specially from their mothers.

7. Keep Them Busy
I couldn't emphasize this one enough, boys have so much energy in them that they need to get it out somehow. Sign them up for soccer, swimming, wresting or basketball. Let them play outside, build towers, create things out of boxes, play pirates or agent spies, Walk the dog, build a robot out of scraps around the house. Build a paper City, make a bowling alley with paper cups and a ball. Let them dress up and play superheroes. Let them create their own adventures and worlds. Believe me channeling their energy to positive and edifying activities will give you less stress and ways for your boys to grow and connect.
Try to join in their activities, truly become their cheerleader, Get to know your boys and appreciate their interest. Make them feel important.

Regardless of the choices any of our children make, we need to always remind them how loved they are, how much they mean to us and even more to remind them who they are and the potential they have in them. In my personal opinion and experience, raising boys has been a little more challenging, but I would not trade this amazing experience for anything in the world not even after a long hard day. Understanding my boys, has made a big difference in our day to day activities. Looking at them, brings me both joy and greater understanding of my parents love for me. I know with time, i will miss all their energy, all their wrestling fights, even looking up at them in the neighbors roof.

by: Dennissa Ramirez mother of 5












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