Parenting 101~LOVING CHILDREN THROUGH THE PAIN OF DIVORCE -by Gerald Rogers

Tonight, Peter, my little four year old cried himself to sleep calling for his mom, and as I lay beside him, I cried too.

There’s no way around it… Divorce sucks. And there are many casualties.

The saddest are the little hearts that are hurt in the process.

EVERY child deserves to grow up in a home under the strength and protection of a loving father and mother who are always there for them. And every parent has an obligation to fight to provide that for them.

… and sometimes, it is not always possible.

And for those of us who can no longer offer that, we mourn for what we have lost.

For me, I miss being the little things the most...

I miss reading stories to my little ones as we snuggled at bedtime. I miss having my family gathered at night for scriptures and prayer. I miss the game nights and family home evenings and the daily little ways my kids would surprise me with their laughter. I miss jumping on the tramp with them on summer afternoons, and playing games with them barefoot on the lawn as the sun drifted beyond the horizon. I miss Sunday morning German pancakes and the rush of getting ready for church. I miss our many traditions and the daily magic of just being a dad and discovering life together with my favorite people in the world, my best friends - my children.

And when I am sitting in the still, lonely silence of my condo at the end of yet another day, I miss them dearly.

In the space of what we lose, we are faced with a choice of what we get to create...

How do we as parents STILL provide the support, love, encouragement and happiness these kids deserve despite the major transition?

How do we let them know that, no matter what, they are loved?

How do we remind them of their greatness, build their confidence in themselves, and encourage them to follow their passions?

How do we help them to make better choices than we made?

I don’t have all the answers. In no way do I think of myself of a perfect dad, or one that has it all figured out. Our divorce is still fresh, and it has only been 5 months since we have been separated. I know I have a lot to learn still.

There are answers I have found though that are worth sharing. And in those answers I have found a deeper commitment as a parent to continue to work to be better and to provide, not just financially, but emotionally for them as well. These are lessons that can serve all of us...

AS A FATHER MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MY CHILDREN IS:

1) I will ALWAYS RESPECT THEIR MOTHER… They will NEVER, ever hear me say a negative or demeaning thing about their mom. They WILL hear me pray for her, compliment her and stand up for her. They will know that I stand behind her in the rules she has, and the things she feels is important. I will never ‘compete’ for their love, by trying to out-do their mother. They will know that they are lucky to have the mom that they do… and I will remind them every chance I get. Their happiness AND personal self-esteem, to a large degree, is built on that relationship with her. They need to respect her, and they learn from my example.

2) I will BUILD a NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR MOTHER… Even though my marriage with her is over, my relationship with her is not. For as long as we live, she will be a part of my life. And if she can longer be my wife, I want her to be my FRIEND. In that, I am conscious to make every interaction with her, one that builds that relationship up, rather than tears it down. My kids deserve that from us.

3) I will WORK AS A TEAM with their Mother for the needs of the kids… In the transition, there are a lot of times where we need to be flexible, and need each-others support. Whether it’s schedules, or responsibilities or various needs of the kids… nothing will ever fit the perfect little box of the divorce decree. It requires us to always ask, “what is best for the kids and how can we support each other in creating it?” I will communicate openly so we have common rules and common goals.

4) I will ALWAYS REMIND THEM THAT I LOVE THEM… It’s not possible to remind them too much. But this is a message that needs to be SHOWN and not just said. Hugs, words, gifts, service and time... Like adults, each kid has their own love language in which they receive love… and ALL OF THEM share the same language which is PLAY. They FEEL LOVED when I SPEND MEANINGFUL TIME with them playing with them and doing things that are important to them. One of my jobs as a dad is to LEARN TO ENJOY what they enjoy, and to BE INTERESTED in what they are interested in. (Even if that means learning to play Minecraft, and talking gossip about Taylor Swift.) The more I can connect with them on that level, the easier it is for me to connect with their heart and be part of their life.

5) I will LOVE THEM INDIVIDUALLY… they need special one-on-one time where I can be FULLY PRESENT with just them. I create this by scheduling daddy-dates and by seeking for opportunities to connect with them personally whenever I am with them.

6) I will ALWAYS LOOK TO CREATE UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES… I will treasure the moments I have and put extra effort into creating special experiences. I will plan meaningful vacations, look for chances to do fun things, and build NEW TRADITIONS.

7) I will LAUGH WITH THEM… I will find jokes to share, games to play, funny movies we can watch. I will be the silliest dad in the world for them, just to make them smile and to remember how great life is.

8) I will LET THEM MOURN… Like my four year old tonight, sometimes they need to cry, and I just need to be there and cry with them. To tell them I understand it sucks, and some things in life are no fun at all. I will be there for them when they need to talk, and give them space when they don’t want to. I will let them know it is ok to feel whatever they are feeling.

9) I will TEACH THEM TO LOVE GOD… Even though I may not always be able to be there for them, HE CAN. And I will teach them both through my words and my example that they can TRUST HIM to lead them through any challenge in life.

10) I will ALWAYS SHOW UP and BE THEIR DAD… They will see me at their games, and their performances and when they give talks in Sunday school. I will be there when they want to talk on the phone or have some daddy time. They will always know that they are a priority in my life. I will be there for them.


Truth is, being a good parent in a divorced situation is the same as being a good parent in any situation.

I’m not pretending I’m always the best dad, but I’m trying. Sometimes I am hurting, and sometimes I am distracted, and sometimes I am selfish and impatient. But I am always reminded when I see the faces of those amazing kids that they deserve the best dad, and so I try to step up and live these things a little better.

Since I only have every Tuesday night and every other weekend with them, I am more aware than ever about the value of the time that I have. I treasure it, and try to make the most of it.

I have been surprised and relieved that my kids, for the most part, are happy and adjusting well. I feel like most of that credit I owe to their mom who is a woman with amazing gifts and strengths and who provides a beautiful and stable environment for them day to day. I am blessed to know they have a mother like that.

When my kids have asked me why we got divorced I have simply said, “I know that’s hard to understand, but the only thing you need to know is that even though your mom and dad aren’t married anymore, you STILL have a MOM and you STILL have a DAD who love you very much and always will. I want you to remember, I WILL ALWAYS be here for you.” And then I give them a big hug.

This, in the end, is the only thing they are wanting to hear. They’re not looking for reasons or blame. They just want to know that they are safe and that they are loved.

I don’t think there is a way to insulate them from all of the consequences of our mistakes as parents. But I do believe that no matter what challenges we face, we can face them together as a family, and continue to create an amazing life, even through the pain and uncertainty of transition.

Despite divorce, we can still show up as the parents they deserve to have.

Our kids are listening. And they learn more from our actions than they ever will from our words.

I share these thoughts, only because I know I’m not alone in this situation. I’ve talked to many who are also trying to navigate these same uncertain waters, and trying to understand how to best help their kids through the pain of divorce or separation.

If you have insights, or experience that you think would serve, please comment.

If you know anyone else that may also be looking for ideas to be the best parent for their kids, and if you think any of these insights might serve, PLEASE SHARE.

You never know whose life you will change when you do.

AS PARENTS – it is our DUTY to step up and to leave behind the petty concerns and bickering and blame that tear down each other, and to rise to be the PARENTS our kids deserve to have.

So regardless of what your situation is, next time you see your kid, go up and give them a hug, remind them how much you love them and how grateful you are that you get to have them in your life…

... and ask yourself, “how can I be a better parent today?”

Gerald Rogers is a transformational leader, speaker and coach that has trained thousands of individuals how to discover their purpose, step into their power and learn how to make their purpose driven businesses profitable and LIVE BIG.

Parenting 101-What Makes Christmas Wonderful

What Makes Christmas wonderful?
Take a walk though memory lane, look back to capture a glimpse of what made Christmas magical for you, as a child.  As you reflect on your own memories it will give you a chance to add magic to this Christmas.  So what was it that made your's sparkle?

*********************************CHILDHOOD************************************

As I reflect on my childhood, our family's Christmas traditions started in October, perhaps the head start made the season linger longer and allowed for a stress free December.  
Here is a list of what Christmas was to me as a child:

1. Christmas projects,  I recall everyone privately working on a surprise.
2. We drew names and made gifts rather than buying them.  (We didn't know buying was an option.)
3. Our Christmas tree had hand made ornaments centered around a new theme each year. Examples: Hand blown eggs painted, 12 days of Christmas ( we used toilet paper rolls cut in half to make the drums), flocked tree with sugar starched twine balls.
4. Favorite candy making night.  We each picked a fav and cooked together to make them all.
5. Christmas letter put to rhyme by our mom.
6. Christmas breakfast, in my mind it was always the same.
7. Stockings customized with hand sewn images of our favorite things about Christmas, mine had holly, a bell and a snowman.
8. Listening to Christmas records on the phonograph
9.  Singing in the kitchen with family
10. Putting out a towel In front of the fireplace in hopes of getting a set of footprints from the man in a red suit.

***********************************PARENTHOOD********************************

As a parent, my husband and I selected favorite Christmas family traditions of his family and mine and then added our own.  Here are a few:

1. We had an ornament exchange party with neighbors.
2. For our children we had an annual old fashioned Christmas party with activities like pulling taffy, stringing popcorn with cranberries and making cards.
3.  Chocolate advent calendar ( we shared one and took turns opening a door a day)
4.  Themed Christmas trees, ('Twas the night before Christmas, melted snowmen tree, angel tree, birdhouse tree).
5.   Annual Christmas letter, we now have 33 pages (one per year)
6.   Waking up at Christmas morning from our first Christmas.  (kids at heart.)
7.   "Christmasing" another family using toys our children selected to share.
8.   Reading favorite Christmas stories, Jonathan Toomey is still a family favorite.

******************************GRANDPARENTHOOD******************************

As grandparents, we decided to make memories with our grandchildren rather than give them more "stuff". We give them new pajamas each year. We decided if we started out simple we would never need to worry if we were fair to the first and the last grandchild.  Currently, we have nine grandchildren. I buy pjs usually a year in advance.Here are our Christmas traditions with our grandchildren:

1. We make gingerbread houses together.
2. We have a cousins party the week before Christmas and play games.
3. We read the story of Jesus's birth from the Bible and they act out the parts with nativity pieces.
4. Christmas letters include lines about them.
5.  We have a candy making party.
6.  We read stories of Christmas.
7.  We go to a Christmas play together.
8.  We build snowmen and then drink warm cocoa.
9.  We cut out snowflakes and making cards.
10. Snuggling by the fire looking at the Christmas tree.

From all three chapters (child, parent and grandparent) I think the magic is seeing Christmas as a child.  Making memories happens because we are together.  It really isn't the end of the world if the fudge turns to sugar or the tree lights aren't perfect.  Memories are made from ordinary everyday life and that is the magic of Christmas, every season!

By: Julie Owen 

Parenting 101~You Know you are a Mom When, By Tearsa Jacox Roberts

-You can wipe a bum with one baby wipe by folding it a million times over.
-You don’t let your husband change diapers because he uses 8 wipes to do the same job that your one wipe just did.
-You only put makeup on when you know you’ll be leaving the house that day.
-You go hours before realizing you’ve had to go to the bathroom all that time.
-Drive-Thru’s are your friend.
-You have hundreds of Pinterest craft and food pins that you will never actually use.
-You’re surprised when someone doesn’t compliment your baby-That happened 1 time to us. It was our waitress at Outback Steakhouse. Yes, Tony and I have never forgotten.
-You are absolutely exhausted but somehow you have the energy to do more.
-Your Instagram only has pics of your kid.
-You refer to yourself in the third person as “momma”.
-When your baby is constipated, you pray for relief. Once that happens, you wish they would stop because diapers don’t grow on trees.
-You no longer carry a purse-You carry a diaper bag.
-You get to re-live Disney movies all over again.
-You think you can cut your kid’s hair yourself.
-You discover you can’t cut their hair. You will never cut it again.
-Teething is the reason for everything.
-You do one of 2 things during nap time-You either accomplish everything, or absolutely nothing-Thanks to the internet, I usually accomplish nothing
-You clean up the same mess every day.
-You feel for the lady with a screaming kid in the dressing room at the store.
-You no longer try on clothes in the dressing room-You buy, try on at home, then return what doesn’t fit later.
-Your topics of conversation are kinda lame-I once made fun of my mom for talking about avocados with friends. Now I could have a lengthy enjoyable conversation about how to choose the best avocado. Try me!
-Anything near you and your screaming child that is not dangerous becomes their new toy.
-You pray. About everything.
-Every time you think you hear your kid scream while in the shower, you turn the water off, stick your head out and listen for a minute but 90% of the time, it’s all in your head.
-You go all morning without brushing your teeth and don’t realize until you left the house-I’m guilty of this way more than I want to admit.
-You grab a pack of gum and your child has already taken a bite out of each stick then stuck them back in. And it doesn’t even surprise you-My niece likes to do this
-You’ve washed the same load of laundry for 3 days because you keep forgetting to put it in the dryer.
-None of these things matter more than the happiness of your kid.
-Your love for your children grows every single day.
-You think the world of your child. And they think the world of you.

Being a mom is HARD! But SO worth it! It is so easy to get stressed out by the little things-You have to be able to laugh about them! Can you think of any? I’ll add it to my list with a link back to you!

by:Tearsa Jacox Roberts

Parenting101~And Then Comes Baby!

Becoming a Mom can be life changing.  And especially when you don't know what to expect and how to manage a baby in your home. 

SuperMomTested had the opportunity to poll from our wonderful community of moms on our SuperMomTested Facebook (SMT Question of the Day)on this very subject.  

We were very pleased to see the kind of responses to our question,  A huge Thank You to those who did. 

I took the collection of viable responses and compiled them into a five point outline.

With the green light from our friends at www.creditcardinsider.com 

Read what other professionals and experienced people have to say.                

From Bump to Birth: 10 Tips for Maternity Leave 

THE INSIDER – October 29th, 2013
By Kimberly Rotter

While our biggest focus at Credit Cardr Insider is providing information about the responsible use of credit and credit cards, we're always looking for ways to help people manage their finances in all areas of life, and especially at different major life stages. For this post, we asked for maternity leave advice from experienced moms in the workforce and discovered ten key themes.

1. Communicate with your employer
2. Be professional
3. Prepare – physically, emotionally, financially
4. Pre-plan a few meals
5. Cherish and maximize your time with baby
6. Give yourself a break
7. Accept help
8. Learn to be the baby's mom
9. Include dad in the plan
10. Pace your transition back to work

If you notice overlap in the themes, such as a consistent message to take as much time off as you can, pay attention.

[Also on The Insider: Preparing Financially for Maternity Leave]

Communicate with your employer

No one will plan your maternity leave for you. It's up to you to research any benefits and how to get them. Don't be afraid to take full advantage of any maternity leave benefits available to you. If your maternity leave is unpaid, you could be eligible for paid family leave benefits from the state. Call your state's unemployment/disability office for more information.

"Review your employee handbook closely and speak with your human resources team to determine what paid leave is available to you and when. Every company handles paid maternity leave differently and it's good to be informed upfront on what you can expect after you're expecting." Jennifer Owens, Editorial Director, Working Mother

"Make sure you communicate with your employer."  Carrie E. Carroll, Founder & Twin Mom, The Twin Source

"Check into your company's maternity benefits and maximize everything you can use. Benefits vary, and it will be important to fully understand what is available from your current job. If it's there, use it." Jackson Dunn, Director, Marriage and Family Foundation, Focus On The Family

Be professional

Even if you're afraid your job won't wait for you, train the person who will cover your leave well. If you don't, your reputation will suffer when your coworkers discover that you held on to certain key information. However, if you make smooth operation in your absence a top priority, your employer and coworkers will respect you and become part of your permanent professional network. The value of good relations is immeasurable over the span of your working career. And readying others to take over in your absence opens up the door to promotions and new responsibilities upon your return.

"Make sure you work with your boss on a coverage and cross training plan. Unless your boss says they have it taken care of, you need to take responsibility to ensure all bases are covered. How you leave is as important as the work you do while you're there.

Offer to let coworkers call you to ask questions, because no matter how well you document and cross train, the questions don't crop up until someone is actually doing your work – and there will be questions." Dorothy Tannahill Moran, Leadership & Career Change Agent, Next Chapter New Life

Prepare – physically, emotionally, financially

Realize that everything is about to change – your body, your feelings, your schedule, your budget. Plan as well as you can. Be kind to your body. Producing a little human is no small job. Play with the idea that you might want to take an extended absence from work. Your career will always be there, but your child wants and needs your time and attention now. So think now – before the baby comes – about money. Don't chant the "everything will work out" mantra. To get what you want, a solid financial plan will be a thousand times more effective than a wish and a prayer.

"Have the planning conversations with your partner way ahead of time and find a plan you both feel great about, which we call a win/win. It's easy to procrastinate, or think that you'll just "cross that bridge when it comes." However, it's never too early to think through, discuss and plan. One important decision revolves around how you're going to handle your future work situation. Will you go back to work? If so, when and will it be full time or part-time. If not, what do you need to adjust about your current budget and spending habits since there will be a loss of income? It's so important to make these adjustments in advance and get in the habit ahead of time. It takes a while to form good habits, and the sooner you have them, the lesser the blow of a loss of income." Jackson Dunn, Director, Marriage and Family Foundation, Focus On The Family

"Prepare, prepare, prepare. You wouldn't do a triathlon or even a 5k without some preparation. Birthing is a very long physical activity. Preparation means [learning] what is about to happen, exercising, good nutrition, and rest." Beeyoutiful

"[Don't] rush to return to work. Your recovery and your family depend on you being healthy and happy. Plan ahead to be able to stay home for as long as you need. Put money aside to meet expenses in case you need more time than your maternity leave allows. Stock up on diapers and other supplies before baby arrives while you're still working to ease the financial burden and to [stay ahead of the] shopping for a few weeks."  Tyra Baird, Preparedness Mama

"Get any big projects/must-dos done before baby arrives  – e.g., if baby is set to arrive February through April, do your taxes before baby arrives, or pay someone to do them after baby arrives."Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

"Have a budget planned in advance. If needed, downsize your house and move to a cheaper location. Trade in your car for a used vehicle." Lisa Giesler, A Time And Place 4

1. "Create a budget. Know what is coming in, what may be going out and what you can set aside for unexpected events.
2. Keep track of spending.
3. Be aware of ways your family can save. Measure the needs over the wants.
4. Practice living on one paycheck. This will lessen the shock of losing the extra income.
5. Communicate with your spouse. Discuss goals and desires and work together. This is a miraculous time and worth the sacrifice together."                                                          Dennissa Ramirez & Stephanie Goodman, SupermomTested.com

"Forecast your family budget with the added expenses typical of a new baby (diapers, formula, babysitting/daycare, clothing, etc.). Stock up on essentials now to ease into your new budget. Start saving! You never know what might happen. Have a back up fund to meet medical expenses or to allow you more time before going back to work."Tyra Baird, Preparedness Mama

"In regards to your new budget/spending plan, don't just focus on the actual costs of the birth, hospital time, and initial doctor's appointments. Think about the diapers, future doctor visits, formula if you need it, and all of the equipment needed for your little one. There always seems to be little costs popping up everywhere, and it's better to expect them than to be surprised." Jackson Dunn, Director, Marriage and Family Foundation, Focus On The Family

And if you're self-employed, you'll have to take extra steps to figure out how to take time off from running your business to enjoy being a new mom.

"Baby 1 was well planned for. I just didn't know how to leave my own business. Never once was the concept of maternity leave addressed while in school. I did not know how to save enough nor cover my patient load.

For baby 2, I planned WAY ahead. I saved enough for three months' leave – this has to cover bills, but no profits, coming in when you own your own business. I scheduled patients around this time and was very clear that I would be unavailable. I told them how they could get care they needed while I was out. This time I recovered much faster, the stress level was down immensely and I cherished my time at home."  Dr. Gina Sirchio, Chiropractic Physician (DABCI), Certified Clinical Nutritionist, LGI Health

[Also on The Insider: The Finance of Having a Baby]

Pre-plan a few meals

You'll hear from practically every new parent that once the baby is born, your day will revolve around meeting baby's needs and not much else. You'll be tired, possibly overwhelmed, and very short on time to handle previously mundane tasks like shopping and cooking. The most organized new parents think ahead to prepare meals (or at least key ingredients, like meat) that can later be heated, requiring no preparation whatsoever.

"Take a few Saturdays/Sundays before baby arrives to prepare frozen meals. It’s amazing how hard it can be even to get simple dinners in the oven." Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

"Pre-cook a lot of protein for make-ahead meals. I cooked 20 lbs each of chicken and ground beef. It helped me stay busy while I was in the nesting phase. Having protein bought and paid for also helped the grocery bill tremendously when going from two incomes to one. There was nothing more relieving than to be able to pull out a pound of taco meet and have dinner on the table in ten minutes with a newborn."  Brandy Yearous, Super Mom, The Supermom Workout

Cherish and maximize your time with baby

Studies show that most new moms don't want to return to full time work after the birth of a baby. Even if you love your job or you don't think you can live without the income, consider the possibility that you'll fall into that category and plan for it as well as you can. Maximize your time off. Once you go back to work, find out if you can work from home or ease back part-time. While you're off, enjoy the time with your new child.

"Be present during the brief period of time while you are home with your little one. The first few weeks are a special time. The rest of it (work) can wait for you to get back!" Jen and Julia, Proud Working Mom

"Take the time, all the time you are allotted. You may feel very stressed about leaving work behind but it will be okay and things will work out." Carrie E. Carroll, Founder & Twin Mom, The Twin Source

"Don't rush back to work. Cherish these days with your baby. Make a strong connection. Hold your baby a lot. Nap when baby naps, with baby if you can. Skin on skin is good, to develop a strong bond, and for baby's development." Beeyoutiful

"Enjoy where you are. Learn to be content. You can find something bad in anything, but you can find something good as well. Seize upon the good. The worst thing that can happen is that you move from discontentment to discontentment through the last weeks at work while you are very pregnant, the last days of pregnancy, the birth process, the recovery period, and finally, the days or weeks that you get to spend with your newborn before heading back to work. You can choose to make them good." Beeyoutiful

"Of course, do your best to set things up so that are smooth as possible during your leave, but once the baby arrives let your mind focus on parenting and healing your body." Carrie E. Carroll, Founder & Twin Mom, The Twin Source

Give yourself a break

Don't expect to be a "natural" or to take it all in stride, no matter how much experience you have with other peoples' children. It's easy to become overwhelmed, and when it's just mom, dad and baby, the answers don't always present themselves clearly. In days gone by, extended families lived together and there were older generations around to teach new moms what to do. These days, you might not have that advantage. So cut yourself some slack for any doubts, lack of confidence or unrealistic expectations you may have.

"We see other moms making different choices and they seem to have it all together so we assume our choices are wrong. Don't compare yourselves to others and find yourself lacking. Make choices based on your budget, time constraints and abilities. You are doing what works for you be it cloth or disposable diapers, formula or nursing. Don't stress yourself out. Enjoy your little one."Tezra Williams, Super Mom, Supermom By Day

"Remember that your body has been through a lot, your whole world has flipped upside down and nothing including yourself will ever be the same. You're a MOM now! What you valued before will be different, what you could wear and how you look have "matured," and you have a new set of responsibilities and worries. Everything you are feeling is NORMAL! Take it slow." Tyra Baird, Preparedness Mama

"Don’t 'plan' to accomplish anything – To-do lists are killer to enjoying your maternity leave and your new baby. I thought I was being realistic by only setting four to-dos for myself on top of daily activities and while some of them got done, having them hanging over my head stressed me out." Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

Accept help

When friends and family offer to help, let them. It may seem like a big imposition to ask your mother-in-law or surfing buddy to do your shopping, but if the offer is made, accept it gratefully. Running errands, cooking meals, cleaning the house, and walking a fussy baby are all great tasks to assign to caring people in your inner circle during the first few weeks of your little one's life. Outside the home, get connected with a lactation support group nearby so that you'll know where to go if any challenges arise.

"Let people help you! When they ask if there is anything you need, say "yes!" Have them cook for you, clean for you, sit with the baby for an hour so you can nap. Take advantage of those offers for help!" Hope, Slow Cooker Adventures

"Have family/friends come help (especially those with kids). We live away from our families so the grandparents and aunts rotated visits. We were SO grateful that the timing worked out that my sister-in-law with four kids was able to be there for a few days at the time I was released from the hospital. An experienced but young mom who’s happy to jump in and provide guidance is SO amazingly helpful because she knows exactly what the new parents need/fear and can more easily identify issues/assuage concerns. A lot of friends also wanted to visit and meet the new baby, so they signed up to bring us dinners and free up our hands for a little bit.

Join a new moms support group – preferably one that’s led by a post-partum and infant medical expert, but even just a group of new mommies getting together. Some days, this is what kept my sanity – just to be able to get out of the house and interact with adults who understood what I was going through and who could share tips and advice." Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

Learn to be the baby's mom

You might slip into your new role with ease… and you might not. Give yourself time to get used to the new routine. Relax and stay in the moment.

"Babies take A LOT of time, especially newborns . Between feeding every two hours, changing, soothing, bathing, tummy time – you finish just in time to start over. Getting a meal in for mom is an accomplishment! Set your mentality for this reality and plan to just spend a lot of time holding your new little.” Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

"Healing and change take time, allow yourself to embrace this new role and all that goes with it at your own pace not someone else's. Rushing things can lead to depression, and other issues. Remember, postpartum is a roller coaster, but eventually the ride comes to an end." Tyra Baird, Preparedness Mama

Include dad in the plan

You're in this together. Encourage dad to be an active participant and to bond with baby. Like mom, dad should be unafraid to take the maximum amount of family leave available. Some men feel awkward around the baby, not knowing what to do or how they can help. Comfort will only come with practice. Also, men tend to feel much less free to take extended absences from work, and far more pressure to put the hours in. Each new dad has to set his own priorities, but more and more men are choosing to put family at the top of the list.

"When my first son was born, nearly ten years ago, I was lucky to have an employer who provided great maternity coverage. The second time around, I was a self-employed work-from-home mom so I was stressed about the idea of taking paid time off from work. Luckily, my husband took advantage of the Paid Family Leave option we have in California, allowing him to take time off to not only bond with the baby, but to help me and provide me the opportunity to get some work done during that time.

It's up to each family to determine how much time off is best and how to work that out, but I would highly recommend you both take time off if you can during those first few weeks. It helped us bond as family as well as handle the transition of a new baby (and dealing with those sleepless nights) together." Sondra Drahos, Certified Parent Educator, Happy Healthy Hip

"My advice to new mothers is to make sure their partners have maternity leave, too." Dara Herman Zierlein, Supermom Unveiled

"Put plans in place to keep your [relationship] strong. This new little one is obviously going to change the dynamic in your home, but it will especially change the dynamic of your relationship. It's very easy to neglect your relationship in the midst of surviving and caring for your baby. Plan for little things like in-home date nights when you get an hour or two to connect. And, don't wait a year to have a date night outside of the house. It's so important that you intentionally approach your relationship with the goal of keeping it strong. The best thing you can give to your child is a healthy, thriving relationship." Jackson Dunn, Director, Marriage and Family Foundation, Focus On The Family

Pace your transition back to work

Whether you must return to work or just want to, pace the transition. Spend the first two weeks in the daycare setting with your baby, to show that it is a safe, comfortable place that the baby can still associate with mom.  If possible, go back to work part-time and ease into your full-time schedule over time.

"Do a transition week with daycare when getting ready to go back to work. It will help mama and baby adjust and reveal any transitional difficulties so it’s not all a shock that first week back."Crystal O’Neill, Fleishman Hillard

"As you come to the end of your maternity leave, start mentally preparing yourself for the transition back to work, perhaps visiting the office with the baby or if possible during your last week over lap your new child care for a few days (or hours each day).  Carrie E. Carroll, Founder & Twin Mom, The Twin Source

And don't underestimate the amount of time you'll want to take off.

"New moms being sent back to work after six weeks is nothing short of abusive in my book. Countries that give moms a year leave are the only ones thinking." Dr. Gina Sirchio, Chiropractic Physician (DABCI), Certified Clinical Nutritionist, LGI Health

                  And lastly, I found a free download for New Moms Here.